Cybersecurity without the superhero act
A sharp satire of the meetings, policies, board updates and nervous PowerPoints behind modern security work.
Available Now
A cybersecurity satire by Lee Barnes
Certified in Sounding Official
The Accidental Rise of Britain's Worst CISO
Sounding official is easy. Being effective is harder.
A dry workplace satire about cybersecurity, promotion, boardrooms, buzzwords and the art of looking like you know what you are doing.
Signed Launch Edition
Signed paperback + exclusive companion booklet. UK delivery included. Orders posted from 22 June 2026.
Secure checkout handled by Payhip. Payments processed by PayPal.
About the Book
Some people rise through competence. Crispin had a different strategy.
Crispin Lockwood-Fetch never set out to become a CISO. He simply discovered, quite early on, that he was exceptionally good at one thing: sounding official.
From helpdesk hero to boardroom favourite, Crispin charts his accidental ascent through the world of cybersecurity, armed with little more than a sharp suit, an impressive collection of buzzwords, and an unshakable belief that most problems can be solved by clearing the cache and delivering a confident PowerPoint.
Interspersed with the increasingly exasperated logs of his Head of Security Operations, Lauren Barnell, this is the painfully plausible story of how one man mastered the art of looking like he knew what he was doing... right up until the ransomware hit.
If you’ve ever sat through a security briefing and wondered whether confidence was doing more work than evidence, this is the book for you.
For Readers Who Enjoy
Corporate absurdity, cyber theatre and the paperwork of competence.
Office politics with a straight face
Career advancement, institutional confidence and the strange rewards available to people who sound more official than useful.
Logs, notes and uncomfortable evidence
Crispin’s version of events is quietly dismantled by Lauren Barnell’s increasingly precise record of what actually happened.
Availability
Order the Book
Signed launch edition available direct from Hatchford Vale Press and includes an exclusive companion booklet. Orders will be signed, packed and posted from 22 June 2026. Kindle edition is available to pre-order through Amazon. Paperback edition is available to order through Amazon.
Sold Out
Signed Launch Edition
Signed paperback + exclusive companion booklet, available only with the signed launch edition. UK delivery included. Orders will be signed, packed and posted from 22 June 2026. A limited number of signed launch copies were available.
Sold out for now. If you were hoping for a signed copy, please contact the author directly.
Audiobook
Audiobook edition currently in preparation. Release details, availability and sample audio will be added here when confirmed.
Details coming soon
About the companion booklet
The signed launch edition includes an exclusive companion booklet produced for direct orders. It is only included with the signed launch edition and is separate from the standard paperback, Kindle edition and audiobook.
Author
Lee Barnes
Lee Barnes is a British author based in Birmingham and the founder of Hatchford Vale Press, the personal imprint under which he publishes his work.
Born and bred in the Midlands, much of Lee’s writing draws quietly from the character of the region: its industrial past, its understated resilience, and the ordinary lives that unfold in the spaces between institutions and communities. Birmingham’s mix of old industry, modern infrastructure and overlooked stories forms a natural backdrop for the tensions that run through his fiction.
Alongside his writing, Lee has spent many years working in technology and information security within complex organisations. That experience, close to the unseen systems that shape modern life, has strongly influenced the themes of his work.
His fiction focuses on people inside institutions: the language they use, the procedures they follow, the systems they trust, and the small decisions that gradually gather weight.